We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
