Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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