when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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