girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
