The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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