There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
