We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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