You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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