My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
