how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
