Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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