We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
