I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
