Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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