You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
