I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's rum buckets o'clock
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
