i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
