I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize