My underwear smells like fireworks.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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