Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
