**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
