You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
