If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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