everyone is single if you try hard enough
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Panties = found
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
