maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
