I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
