You surviving the open bar?
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You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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