There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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