I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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