i may or may not be watching the land before time
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
