respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
