watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
