i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
