sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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