It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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