its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
