; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize