Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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