so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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