Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He did a backflip because drugs
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
