i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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