he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
