therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
