Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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