but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
