Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
