so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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