someone owes me an orgasm
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
