I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
