if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
