return my video game
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
