google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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