and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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