so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
