Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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