Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
