Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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