No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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