I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
