I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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