I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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