Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
