ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
