Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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