I'm going to jail i love you
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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