Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
