I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
