Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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