the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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