GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
wow bdsm is so cute
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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