I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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