she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
