I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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