I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
