what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
